It Had To Be You....

Recently my father-in-law was in the hospital and I accompanied my husband, Jeff, for a couple of visits. F.I.L. has had alzheimer's for a number of years, so I did not have the opportunity to meet him when he still recognized faces, names, foods or places with any consistancy. I've never been close to anyone with alzheimer's, so as I am new to my marriage I am also new to this.

Luckily the handful of times I have seen my F.I.L. he has been in good spirits. I've been told he can be unpredictable and irritable from time to time, but wouldn't you be if you were not sure who you were, where you were, who you were talking to or what you were being fed? I would be terrified. Maybe the blessing is that when he becomes frightened he forgets just as quickly why he is so frightened?

Both trips to the hospital were to give F.I.L.'s wife a chance to leave the hospital and breathe for a couple of hours. She'd been spending the nights there and much of the days with just a few "relief pitchers" to help out. Jeff filled the time reminiscing with his father about different places he had lived, family as well as friends of the past, jobs that his father had held, time spent in the military, sports figures that have come and gone, and memories of singing in (and conducting) the church choir. His father looked unsure much of the time, but he did seem to recognize some of what was presented to him....if only for a moment. About a friend of the past he might say "he really was a nice guy". He might smile as a memory briefly lighted on his mind and drifted away again.

Having known my F.I.L. only a few months I wonder what memories I will have with him when he is gone. He still sings, which I think is very endearing. He's always loved singing, and his children have memories of many evenings at home where he sang and played piano. His voice is still beautiful and out of the blue he will start humming or singing aloud whatever tune pops into his head.

When we arrived for our second visit to the hospital Jeff strode to the end of the bed to greet his father. I don't recall if Jeff had a chance to say hello before his father burst into song...."it had to be you.....". Though F.I.L. asked a number of times who Jeff was, who I was and who was making noise in the hallway (he wasn't retaining he was not at home but in the hospital) he seemed to have moments of clarity where he told Jeff he was a great guy, and that he loved him. Tears seemed to form, but then quickly disappear.

There is something sweet and child-like about his mannerisms and his smile. I hope he continues to remember a tune or two, as it obviously brings him joy to find his voice. It brings me joy to have him find his voice.

It had to be you.......